What happens when the person you are is changing faster than your life can keep up? If you’ve ever felt both grateful and lost in the same breath, you’re not alone. In this conversation, perinatal psychiatrist Dr. Nichelle Haynes shares a gentle, grounded path back to finding yourself again in motherhood—one built on intention, small pauses, and the truth that you’re allowed to be more than one thing.
Dr. Haynes treats people along the parenting journey—infertility, pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding, mothering—and she’s launching a new podcast, More Than Mom, to help women rediscover who they are.
If you’ve been carrying the emotional load and wondering where you went, this one’s for you.

Starting Over Isn’t Failure—It’s Permission

“Your being is the keystone of the being of your family,” Dr. Nichelle told me. It landed. We talk a lot about doing more, optimizing routines, squeezing time out of thin air. But her invitation isn’t about doing…it’s about being: aligned, intentional, and honest about what you need.

As a physician and a mom, she’s witnessed the same pattern in countless rooms: mothers who love their kids fiercely and still feel like they can’t find themselves. Two things can be true at once. “We can love our kids so much and be so frustrated with them—and those can be true at the same time.”
What she said reminded me that starting over is less about burning everything down and more about giving yourself permission to be a whole person again.

The Three Pauses That Change Everything

Before the rebuild, you pause. Dr. Nichelle recommends three kinds:

• The Micro Pause: attach a five-second check-in to a habit (like washing your hands). “What do I need right now?”
• The Intentional Life Pause: zoom out. Are you living to your values? What actually matters this season?
• The Reset Pause: change your environment (a trip, a schedule shift) to see what you come back to by choice.
  Her example stuck with me: “I could sit with my kids for five cranky hours, or give them an hour of TV while I move my body and then show up for four meaningful hours.” Quality beats quantity. And yes—there’s data showing when a mom is struggling, kids are more likely to struggle; the opposite is also true.

How to start:

1. Pick one micro pause you’ll anchor daily.
2. Name three values for this season (not forever).
3. Schedule a mini reset (a morning off, a solo walk at the beach, a weekend swap) and notice what changes.

Intention Over Approval

We both laughed about a familiar habit: asking the internet for permission to share what we already know helps. Dr. Nichelle reframed it: “Trust that the message you have will find the people who need it. You don’t have to create the audience—the audience already exists.”
As moms and makers, we internalize rules early. Be agreeable. Don’t take up space. But intention is a different compass. Sometimes the intentional choice isn’t glamorous—“Drive the race cars for a month” to fund the next two months you actually want. It’s still aligned, because it serves where you’re headed.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to choose between being a present mom and a present you. You can be both—by pausing, getting honest, and moving with intention. You are not behind; you’re becoming.
Listen to the full conversation with Dr. Nichelle Haynes on the Reset with Kerry podcast. If it helped, send it to a friend who might need the reminder that she’s allowed to be more than mom.

About the Guest
Dr. Nichelle Haynes is a perinatal psychiatrist, physician, and mom. She treats patients across the parenting journey and hosts More Than Mom with Dr. Nichelle Haynes. You can also follow her journey over on Instagram @dr.nichellehaynes